My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
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