please come you make the beer taste better
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
