I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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