Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
