I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
