Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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