I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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