I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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