he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
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I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
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He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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