Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
