it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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