He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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