i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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