Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
operation harelip BJ is a go
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
