I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
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there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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