I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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