why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
