I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
