It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
