he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
