Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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