i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
