Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I think your dad took our porno
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
