it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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