she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
