i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
