Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
