So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
