I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
