the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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