was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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