How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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