I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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