I heard we made out
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
