just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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