so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize