The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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