She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
