Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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