Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
