make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
