She's JV to your varsity
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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