Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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