I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
