And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
