Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
