Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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