Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
