just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
