I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
