hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
