my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
