I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Even my vagina gasped.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
