I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
