Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
