I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
