I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
