we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
