What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
it was like eating out sand paper
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
