You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
