i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
