Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
