i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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