I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
We named our party play list daddy issues
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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