our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
