do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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